he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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