Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
