I cockslap morals
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Quick, to the slutcave!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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