Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
