i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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