I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
