My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
