Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
