He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
