This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
