One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
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You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
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You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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