Me. At least after what I've been through.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
