how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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