Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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