absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
COCAINE IS GR8
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
