haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
