Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Quick, to the slutcave!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
