So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
