so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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