I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize