peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
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Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
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Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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