It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
