Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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