i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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