Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You're a waste of cheezeits
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
