I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
