i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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