Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
