I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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