I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
