im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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