I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
