I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
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