watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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