it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
