who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You took a bar mat shot.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
