Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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