He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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