margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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