Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
