I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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