Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
