Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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