Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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