I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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