Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
