I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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