Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
