dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
