I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
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no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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