I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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