I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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