okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
