Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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