Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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