My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize