32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
