Need sex. Gaining weight.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
