In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
