i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
