Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
