An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
