i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
