Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
