Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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