Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
