dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
