How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
