he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
