I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
