I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
