Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
