Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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